A clock that writes the time.
Psychology - 3.08 in my major
Psychology Upper Level - 3.4
Art - 3.15 (lol)
WMST - 3.5 (perhaps this is my calling? Social Justice)
overall, not bad!
There really is not a moment when I’m not feeling uneasy about my immediate future.
Firstly, I feel so off because I’m in this weird in-between, transitioning phase where I don’t feel like a student because I’m working full-time and only on campus 3 hours a week, but also don’t feel like a graduate cuz I’m basically working two temp jobs to support myself and not utilizing my degree. WOMP. Matt thinks its a good experience because I’m “experiencing transitioning before I graduate,” but it doesn’t feel like a good thing cuz I have no one to relate to.
Also. I realized today that I have this weird tick where I’m always craving some immediate, relieving, pleasure. Like, I start my day with either coffee or a cigarette. When I need to take a break at work, I go on a snack break or a cigarette break. When I’m bored and anxious, I snack. When I am getting ready for bed, I eat or smoke.
Wish there was something I could do to break this desire for immediate gratification but I really can’t think of anything when those moments occur.
We looked at houses today. The awesomely cheap end-unit I wanted is already off the market, and just when we find a nice house, me and my girlfriend still experience complications with getting one more solid person. IT KILLS ME X____X
I also realized today that all of this anxiety I’ve been feeling at home is how I felt every Summer before I go back to campus, because my mom keeps pushing me to get out. Except this time, there is no campus. I’m on my own…real world bullshit. T_T no fun. My mom keeps discouraging me and my boyfriend probably thinks I’m just going through a phase. But I don’t want supporting myself to be a phase.
Being an “adult” sucks.
Rosamund Pike for W Magazine May 2014, photographed by David Fincher